There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
