I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
