I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
