Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
