Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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