Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
