I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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