omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
