Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
