dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
