You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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