i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
