Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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