Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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