so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
