I will die if light touches me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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