I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
