LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
