Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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