Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
