you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
