I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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