i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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