forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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