alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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