i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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