She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
