Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
