We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dignity is for republicans.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
