I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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