grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
