Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
