sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
