i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
