Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
