i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
