I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
