I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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