Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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