I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
