You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
