Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
