Sry I called you an 8
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
