Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
