we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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