but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
