girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
