There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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