You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
