I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
