you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
