wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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