Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's the barista slut.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
