Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
