What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
