This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
