hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
