Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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