so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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