I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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