How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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