I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
