I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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