u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
