I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
